Photo credit: Brian Lawdermilk/Getty Images

It’s been nearly two weeks since official drink of sick vape rips Monster Energy was announced as the new title sponsor for NASCAR’s top-tier “Cup” series. Problem is, we still don’t know what to call the series since it won’t be the “Sprint Cup” anymore. Naturally, we here at Jalopnik can help with this.

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NASCAR chairman Brian France confirmed yesterday on Sirius XM NASCAR Radio that an announcement would be made “shortly” as to what the Cup series’ new name will be, per Motorsport.com. Of course, we were going to find out what that name was soon after the announcement was made, too.

It appears as if they’re stuck on this whole naming issue. Here are our suggestions for getting a name evocative of speed, youth and all those other #marketingdemographics NASCAR is chasing.

Pick Something Catchy

A good name rolls effortlessly off the tongue. “Formula One,” “Supercars,” or “Rehabilitation” are all excellent examples.

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Monster Cup is easy to say and all, but it falls into the trap of being too generic. Don’t become the next WeatherTech Sports Car Championship. You’d never know that was the series of the famed 12 Hours of Sebring from that name. It’s too long, and doesn’t get to the point.

If you’re going with a long name, you have to make it worthwhile for people to spit out all of those words. NASCAR Extreme Monster Oval Battledome of Doom works for me. I’d even say that a few extra times just for fun. I mean, just look at that catchy acronym: NASCAREMOBOD! I won’t hate typing that out in every NASCAR news-bit at all.

Two men who haven’t picked a series name yet. Photo credit: Jonathan Stringer/Getty Images

Throw Conventional Names On The Bonfire

Do you want little snookums Cuppypoo to raise their hand with five other girls in the same class who are also named “Stephanie?” No, you don’t. You have a highly unique series on your hands, and it needs a unique name to boot.

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Ditch the naming books. Come up with something unique. Sprint Cup fell victim to this same trap. How many Cups are there in motorsport again?

Besides, names like “Cup” and “Championship” are far too self-explanatory, anyway. Do you want people to know there’s a championship and not tune in because they already think they know what’s going on? Or do you want them to start watching first and get hooked on the inevitable car-drama then?

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Set yourselves apart by calling the top-tier NASCAR series something instantly recognizable that won’t just give away what’s happening, like the Monster Energy Ultimate Car Battlepalooza.

Poll Your Esteemed Demographic

Monster Energy provides a valuable service to all of mankind: it keeps us awake. Why not let the true enthusiasts of NASCAR’s new titlular sponsor chime in on the name?

I took a quick poll of my energy drink addicted friends in the neighborhood, and here’s what we came up with:

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  • Ultra Rad Mad Monster Championship Of Extreme Vroomage
  • [incoherent half-asleep mumbling]
  • Stop Bothering Me And Go Away; I’m Busy
  • Why Don’t They Lift The Cars?
  • Monsters And Vape Show ‘N’ Shine
  • No, Seriously I Have This Project Due In An Hour, I Haven’t Slept In Five Days And I’m Going To Die
  • Just Some Good Ol’ Boys Never Meanin’ No Harm Monster Racing Series, Inc.
  • Check Out These Sweet Gains Cup
  • Monster Bong Rips To Guy Fieri
  • Ultra Outlaw Monster Moonshine Country Drives (NO COPS!!!)
  • Sick V8 Monster Car Smash Duel
  • Why Don’t You Just Put A Bunch Of Tight “M” Stickers On It And Call It Good?
  • First Thursday Meet @ Daytona
  • What’s Your Problem, Man? Do You Wanna Go?

Look at this wealth of knowledge! Surely somewhere in there is a name worth using.

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We here at Jalopnik understand that branding is an arduous, collaborative process that you can’t afford to screw up. Every stakeholder has to come up with something they can agree on, which isn’t easy. If you get stuck, just do what the rest of us do and have a Monster to power through it. But if you’re truly, completely hung up, you can always give us a call.