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Formula One returns to Russia’s Sochi Autodrom this weekend. Sadly for Mercedes driver Lewis Hamilton, his power unit failures returned as well, forcing him out at the end of the second qualifying session. So, we donned a tin-foil hat and channeled our inner Alex Jones to try to explain it.

Poor Lewis is feeling a bit of déjà vu from his qualifying issues in China, telling Sky Sports:

I went out at the end of Q2 to get a feel and I lost the same power as I lost in China. There’s nothing I can do. I never give up.

Previously, an issue with the insulation within Hamilton’s MGU-H—that piece that converts heat energy into usable energy for the car—was the suspected cause of Hamilton’s similar failure in China, per Motorsport.com. Mercedes team principal Toto Wolff explained to Motorsport.com that it’s weird how it’s only been on Hamilton’s car:

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It’s a very bizarre situation. Because it seems like we had the same failure that we had in Shanghai, which looks like we need to reassess the root cause of the failure – [that] it’s not that particular bit in the MGU-H, at least that’s my best guess.

Hamilton will start from 10th for tomorrow’s race, while teammate Nico Rosberg starts from pole position.

However, second-place qualifier Sebastian Vettel will receive a five-place grid penalty for a new gearbox, according to the BBC. There goes the other driver who can usually can bring the heat to the Mercedes duo. In soviet Russian Grand Prix, track bores you, so given the difficulty passing there, something insane will have to happen to make tomorrow’s race interesting.

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Because this is the internet, we’d rather listen to kooks than reason or common sense for things like this. We put on our best tin-foil hats to try and figure out some reasons why Hamilton—a guy we’d otherwise think was solid with the New World Order, the Bilderbergers and the Whataburgers—could be having the issue while his teammate drives away with the season.

  • Lewis accidentally Snapchatted one of Bernie Ecclestone’s daughters partying just a little too hard.
  • Rosberg, tired of being a number two driver, released several hungry hamsters to gnaw on wiring in Lewis’ side of the garage at night. The hamsters are named Sweetie Cakes, Snookums and Fluffy Pie.
  • Unable to get approval for an inverted grid, Bernie Ecclestone sent a henchman to sabotage several key components of Hamilton’s power unit. If Rosberg doesn’t at least back off for a fight, he’s next.
  • A secretive underground cult that worships the mechanical creations of man takes something from the dominant Mercedes power unit every weekend to use as a ritual sacrifice to Robo-Bunny.
  • Someone accidentally told a “your mom” joke about FIA president Jean Todt.
  • No longer #blessed. :(
  • Volkswagen, looking to dip their toes into the waters of Formula One before fully buying into a Red Bull Audi Racing Team, offered a technical partnership with the No. 44 Mercedes wherein they provide the soy-coated wiring straight out of a Jetta.
  • Three words: Vengeful Pussycat Dolls.
  • Stuff’s just broke, man.

I think we’re just as stumped as Mercedes is. What’s your best idea as to why all of this season’s bad luck is happening to Mercedes’ three-time world champion? Tell us in the comments below.

UPDATE: Hamilton’s car will reuse the now-hopefully-fixed power unit that failed in China, reports Motorsport.com. No grid penalty will be assessed for the swap, as he’s not using new equipment.