Photo credit: Kurt Bradley

Few things are more clichéd and less insightful than interviews with racing drivers, particularly in Formula One. And this year’s American F1 race is set to be an extremely predictable one, barring any disastrous upsets. In response to both, we have crafted a drinking game that you should never, ever do, as you’ll probably die. Yes, even if you’re Finnish.

In interviews, F1 drivers have a bad habit of saying nothing that wasn’t already known or a given has a long, and illustrious history of frustrating their own fans. Then again, it’s a highly competitive, highly technical sport, so I get it. No one can say too much because everyone—including the competition—is listening.

Advertisement

Top Gear infamously made this non-speak the basis for their silent character The Stig, and Lewis Hamilton was recently caught posting Snapchats during a press meeting because even he was bored of saying the same kinds of things week in and week out.

We here at Jalopnik turned this phenomenon into a drinking game. We haven’t tried it ourselves because that’s a surefire way to get thrown out of a grand prix, however, we’re pretty sure this will kill you regardless.

Pour a few salmiakki koskenkorva shots for your favorite Finn flopping off a boat, and don’t play this. While some of these quotes are taken directly from this weekend’s press conferences, and how we think the race will go (or won’t), the phrases listed don’t have to be verbatim to count. Please remember that there are many, many ways to say nothing.

Take A Drink

  • Someone is going to “do their best”/“try their hardest”/“focus on a good result”/“gain good experience”/“work hard”/“give it everything I’ve got” with no detail given as to how
  • “A really strong car”
  • Car is “quick”/“fast” with no further explanation on why
  • “Had the pace” or “didn’t have the pace”
  • Driver slowly and deliberately raises his arm to his head or fiddles with his arm to show off a sponsor’s watch
  • Team is “focused on next year’s car”
  • “Evaluating my/our different options”/“Evaluating the future”
  • “The right step in my career”
  • “Happy with the balance of the car”
  • “Come a long way”/“made good progress”
  • “The team has done a really good job”
  • Getting “more out of the car”
  • “We’ve had some good results”
  • “We’ve struggled a bit”/“it’s been a difficult year”
  • “Focus on the remaining races of the season”

Take Two Drinks

  • Any mention of a grid penalty due to a power unit component swap.
  • Glowing shout-out to location of race and/or the locals.
  • Direct pandering to own fanbase, e.g. Ferrari team speaking Italian, Haas team glad to be in America.
  • Haas team asked if they’re going to sign an American driver.
  • Question not answered in English.

Do A Shot

  • Honda power unit failure.
  • Journalist asks an appallingly self-serving/out-of-touch question, e.g. “You’ve taken to blocking journalists on Twitter...” (That’s an actual question from this weekend’s pre-race press conference!)
  • Daredevil antics from broadcast helicopter.

Chug

  • A Mercedes does not finish the race.
  • Teammates collide on track. (Fair warning: they may want to join you for this chug after the race.)
  • Bernie Ecclestone says something offensive on camera.

Please don’t actually play this. We value you as readers, and Jalopnik is not responsible for any medical bills incurred as a result of playing this game.