In CC Mason's new video for "Racecar," former Stig Ben Collins appears to have been typecast as a guy who stands around with his arms crossed. We all knew the Stigs would have to move on with the cancellation of Top Gear, but we didn't know life would be this rough. Now he's been put into a music video, still as The Stig. (Sort of.)

I feel like I've accidentally stumbled upon the theme song of pit lizards everywhere. Help.

The song, naturally, was used in the opening rounds of the British Touring Car Championship. Unfortunately, the music video for it neglected to bring any race cars whatsoever. We're pretty sure that's a Hertz-spec V6 Camaro. And what's with the cruiser bikes? Ain't nobody doin' any racin' on the way to the ROT Rally.

But hark! There's a racing driver: Ben Collins, in a mostly black suit complete with the ever-present "those patches are not for this series" tape over nearly all the suit's artwork, save for a Rolex 24 Driver Challenge one. Why can't we see the other sponsor decals? Is the ex-White Stig playing Black Stig, so as not to anger the folks at BBC Worldwide who are presumably still marketing Stiggy's character?

Her outfit is even more baffling than Sort of Stig's: melty vinyl dresses, bondage-inspired leather tops, giant platform heels and what appears to be the skirt from one of the Spartan cheer Saturday Night Live skits. Was Talladega Nights star Will Ferrell the first choice in casting? Either way, the only race car she'll be able to hop in is made by Power Wheels. None of her ensembles would ever pass tech in a million trillion years. I can empathize with the whole race-cars-as-turn-ons thing, but any time you show up in high heels to a race track, you're going to have a bad time (and probably eat it somewhere in the paddock).

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This video clearly leaves us with more questions than it does answers. Mason sings about a race car driver, yet we're not sure if Collins is her dad or the object of her affection. He doesn't ever really move or display any sort of emotion whatsoever, just like The Stig, Is there something Freudian going on with this video? Or Floridian, perhaps? Parental attraction is no laughing matter, young lady.

We'll never know if this song is about to result in more inbred scourges of the Sebring infield or if Ben is standing and scowling as the watchful dad, prepared to drift circles around you with a shotgun should you mess with his daughter. Ben is emotionless. Ben does not move. We're not even sure if Collins is actually there or if they're using a wax stand-in from Madame Tussaud's.

Perhaps this is an unintended fallout of the whole Top Gear cancellation and (likely) impending reformat. Whatever will become of the Stig? Are the Stigs doomed to be typecast as silent racing drivers for the rest of their on-screen side careers?

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Dearest BBC, think of the Stigs. Don't kick them all out on the street, forced to find work in music videos as cruel Stig knock-offs. Give them a home somewhere. Stig's Hour of Laps and Finally Airing That P1/918/LaFerrari Battle, But Without Mister Punchy Announcing It both have a nice ring to them, after all.

[H/T CC Mason herself]

Update: The mysteries have been solved! Randi Meetzen pointed us towards this interview with the songwriter, who is actually a serious gearhead, dabbling in all things mechanical since age 12 or so. The car is hers, and yep, it's a V6 Camaro. She's impressed with what Ben was able to do with it. The Harleys? Friends of her dad's. It also appears as though Collins is the romantic interest, not an imposing father figure (or meant to be related in any other way). He does have that standing and staring with a serious business face down, though, that's for sure.