Photo credit: Kurt Bradley

The anti-submarine belt (or “crotch belt,” since it goes between your legs) tops of the list of car parts I hope never, ever become sentient. Yet someone made a Twitter account for exactly that part of the No. 96 Turner Motorsport BMW M6 GT3 over Daytona weekend. I’m disturbed, but...weirdly entertained?

Fastening a crotch belt is perhaps the most awkward part of racing. No one really wants to reach down there, but it’s a necessity if you don’t feel like sliding out of the bottom of your seat in a crash.


I don’t know who ever requested to hear the perspective of the belt that goes around a driver’s crotch, but bless you, whoever said “hold my beer while I write on Twitter.” Take a look at these jewels from Turner’s very own basket of plums:

Normally, tagging a brand is kind of a cheeseball move. A brand does not really care about your daily woes. Yet I don’t think any of the usual taboos apply when it’s Some Guy writing as the most awkward part in racing:

And lest we think he only rags on members of the Turner team (and their, um, members), he’s more than willing to creep on others in the racing community:

They even had a response to the No. 96's unexpected failure with only two hours to go in the race:

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to log off of strange sports car Twitter and find some mind bleach. If my submarine belt ever becomes sentient, send help. That poor thing has bathed in Texas sweat and pure misery. I suspect it wants revenge.