All images via Bring A Trailer

I have this problem, you see. It takes up a lot of my time, and it really isn’t healthy. I spend all day writing about cars. Cars, cars, cars. Then, I spend the evening looking at flooded cars being housed locally for insurance auction and searching “NASCAR” in online car auctions to see if I can find an old race car.

And friends, my search came back successful. Please stop me from buying this mid-1990s Hendrick Motorsports NASCAR race truck, for my own good.

I should know better than to buy a third car when I only have a two-car garage, and our homeowners’ association doesn’t exactly condone race trucks sitting in the driveway. What would I do with it, anyway? It’s not like Texas is a hotspot for oval racin’ these days, which is where this truck is most comfortable.

I should know better than to impulse buy a random race car from two decades ago, when I really do appreciate some—some!—of the HOA rules and having a race car in my driveway definitely does not follow them. I really should.

But the race truck shouldn’t have to follow rules, right? Right? It’s a race truck. Race trucks don’t have rules. Owners of race trucks don’t have rules.

No. Stop, Alanis. Stop it. You do not need to end up in the news because the HOA hates you and is trying to sell your race truck while you’re on vacation, and you probably do not need a race truck with a rebuilt motor, either.

Friends, don’t let me do this. Stop me from buying this truck.